Taking care of ZHANG BAO for Dummies
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: The manual for the ZHANG BAO unit. Been a while since I've done these things, I thought I'd try to do these and see if I can capture the old charm they had a long time ago.


**Introduction**

 **Whoopee we're still in business even though Amibos took over half a year ago in the collectible video game character department. Congrats, you bought the ZHANG BAO unit. Don't know what your tastes are but as long we don't have to file for bankruptcy, you can be anything to us and we wouldn't bat an eye. The ZHANG BAO unit is a fairly recent model, but didn't sell as well compared to the WEN YANG and JIA CHONG units. It was also behind of the GUAN XING and GUAN YINPING units. Oh well, enjoy.**

 **Like us on Instagram with the hashtag #KeepDEADWARRIORKOEICORPAlive.**

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 **Comes with**

 **Seven (7) bro-p tops with matching MC Hammer pants**

 **Five (5) cans of hair gel.**

 **One (1) giant arm blade thing**

 **Two (2) pairs of shoes**

 **One (1) Circular-framed Glasses (For further reading go to Modes)**

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 **Name:** **Zhang Bao**

 **Gender: Male**

 **Other names: Chinese Ichigo, the other Zhang Bao, that other guy in yaoi doujins**

 **Famous for: Being the kid of one of the protagonists of the ROTK, having bromance with the GUAN XING unit**

 **Spouse: Nope**

 **Children: Nope**

 **Age: We do not fucking know, try 21**

 **Appearance: Scrappy-looking kid who doubles as an Instagram model**

 **Striking Features: He just leaves his midriff out for show like he's going to wash someone's carriage/car sexily for five bucks.**

 **Build: Just a lot of ab. Just everywhere is an ab.**

 **Quirks: You may have heard his voice before and that's a problem.**

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 **Instructions**

 **The unit will jump out of his box the moment you open it and will not stop for introductions. He'll know your name later once after he finished eating out of your fridge. Yeah, he was starving when we got him. He won't shower for a while and lay on the couch until he's needed for war or something like that. He'll keeping sucking all of your food, so expect constant trips to the store. He also needs hair gel to keep his hair like that.**

 **How to keep your ZHANG BAO unit happy**

 **Be a bro and he will be your bro. I don't care if you're a girl. Girls can be bros too. Be the bro that believes in the bro that is you that is being a bro to ZHANG BAO unit. Be the best motherfucking bro you can be. Just be a bro and not a non-bro by doing these things:**

 **Drink beer and play beer pong**

 **Smoke weed**

 **Play Call of Duty while stuffing yourself in Doritos and Mountain Dew**

 **This unit will leave or disobey if...**

 **You are not a bro**

 **You have the GUAN XING unit**

 **You break the bro code**

 **You are a sis rather than a bro**

 **Don't you ask "what's the difference?", I am going to bro-mess you up**

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 **Voices**

 **Johnny Yong Bosch**

 **Daisuke Sakaguchi (Both will get annoying after a while.)**

 **Skills**

 **-Beer chugger**

 **-Beer pong champ**

 **-The best Ichigo Kurosaki cosplayer you could get**

 **-Chinese-speaking, right**

 **-Can open a hard can of pickles**

 **-Fighter**

 **-Bro-friend**

 **Romancing**

 **You two have to be bros already to try it out. Though, it's weird for bros to have sex with each other. I'm not a bro-maphobe, it's just not recommended. But sure, have some bro sex to make your bro-ness legit. Yes, this applies to girls, too. You girls are bros to him, got that? Accept the title of bro! I don't care if you have a vagina! You can be called a bro!**

 **Modes**

 **Normal**

 **Zhang-pachi (Activated if you put those glasses on him while having the Daisuke Sakaguchi voice active.)**

 **This will turn your bro into the exact opposite of a bro. This is useful for when you need the ZHANG BAO unit to clean up his messes and take responsibility for things. Also could be used for a stand-up comedy routine. His catchphrase is DONDAKE, so prepare to hear him exclaim that from time to time.**

 **See Also...**

 **GUAN XING: His real bro that replaces you the moment he comes into play. He is more of sis than a bro, really.**

 **XING CAI: His sis-bro that has a vagina which is also his real sister from the same mother.**

 **ZHANG FEI: His daddy. He the one to talk to when you need to get some crunk up in this bitch.**

 **FAQ'S**

 _ **Dude, he just wrecked my car!**_

 **Ahhh, just switch him to Zhang-pachi mode and you'll get your apology.**

 _ **Dude just got shanked right in the ab!**_

 **Oh. Niiiiiice.**

 _ **Is it gay if you have sex with him while being his bro?**_

 **It's not gay if it's between bros. It's bromance, BOOYYYEEEE.**

 _ **Can Zhang-pachi say something else besides DONDAKE?**_

 **Maybe. How about "Magical Banana" or just "dondake"? There are three modes for DONDAKE: "Dondake", "dondake", and "DONDAKE".**

 ** _ZHANG BAO just chocked on a ping pong ball, what do I do?!_  
Run, man! RUN! Throw away your old life and start up a new one! It's over, man! Game over! Literally for him!**


End file.
